AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.
When you feel like you're okay. When you feel you're strong. When everything starts to feel normal suddenly reality strikes your face. The pain still there and once again you feel it. The pain that you thought it is gone a long time ago. Damn it hurt more than the previous one. You clench your teeth and pray that this pain will be gone soon. You pray so hard, you can't take it anymore.
At this stage, you will have some thoughts that you rather be dead than have to face the feeling. You are so weak. Miserable but still act strong in the surface but deep inside only god knows how your feeling. It's like a walking entity with no soul, you feel so numb. How you pull yourself up every single day reminds ourself that you have to be strong, so that others don't feel weak being around you. Inside of you just a painful memories and an unfillable void...The things that you do to make you sane is totally insane...
There will be a time when you will prefer to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs because this time you can feel the sadness from the songs. You will have questions that linger in your thought.
" What's my fault?"
"What I have done?"
I only have a few of my bestie. They usually not involved with my love life, but they always been there when I'm at my weakest.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I broke up with him"
I'm forcing a smile when meeting her. She just sits quietly next to me and when I started to cry she just hugs me tight without a word. You can't talk because no words can describe your pain at that time and remembering the details just make you bleed again. Thank You, GOD. I still have people who care about me.
What's wrong with me?
Am I too bad? or am I too good?
You still being left whether you being a good person or a bad person. Then slowly you will change. You become bitter and so damn cold. You feel by doing that you can protect your heart from being hurt again. At one point you start thinking that it's okay being alone. Anyhow you still manage to survive and live without a man.
"Shit! a nightmare again"
I seldom got a nightmare, but usually when I dream it will be the most horrible and I won't dare to sleep back again. This time it happens again. Woke up in the middle of the night, and don't know what to do. Usually, I will text him because I know he always be there. Guess what, once again I feel so pathetic, not because of the nightmare but the fact that this time you have to deal with the situation alone. You're literally ALONE. The saddest fact that you have to shallow that nite. All these memories make me sick.
Moving on not that easy...admit that I'm trying..trying so hard. Now I understand why people become so bloody cold. They have been hurting again and again. They have been fighting their own battle. My advice is
"Be kind to everyone. You never know what they have been dealing with"
My unconscious mind at 2:53am
to be continue....
Satur-cook-Day!!!! yeah so today AD nak share satu resepi ringkas dan mudah disediakan.
 |
| Tomato tu saja AD tambah sebab xde timun..jangan pelik pula..hehh |
- 1-2 ekor Ikan (ikan ni boleh guna ikut ikan kegemaran anda. tapi biasanya AD guna ikan kembung atau selayang)
- 1 kotak kecil santan
- segelas air - untuk sesuaikan kepekatan kuah
- sebatang serai -diketuk
- satu sudu kecil lada hitam
- 2 keping asam keping
- garam
- 2-3 ulas Bawang merah
- 2-3 ulas bawang putih
- 1 inci halia
- bawang besar dihiris nipis
- timun
- kacang panjang
- telur rebus
- salad
- Rebus ikan sehingga masak kemudian blend ikan tersebut sehingga hancur
- Masukkan bahan yang dikisar tadi dan ikan yang diblend
- Masukkan santan dan juga air (pepandai la yea adjust jgn bagi cair sangat)
- Masukkan garam, asam keping, serai yang diketuk, dan lada hitam
Strato Nyman couldn’t be more of an odd-one-out. He’s the only black kid in Hedgecombe-upon-Dray, he knows more about particle physics than his teacher, and he’s constantly picked on by school bully Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. It’s only at home that he blends into the background – his parents are too busy arguing to notice he exists. But one day, Strato picks up a dusty old book in a mysterious bookshop and learns how to become invisible. He soon discovers that people aren’t always what they seem … and realizes standing out isn’t so bad after all. 
"How To Be Invisible"
Hello December.
One of my favorite months because it's a festive season. Even though I don't celebrate Christmas, but I do love the vibe during this month. People forgive each other and of course, presents! Anyway, since it's a new month already, I want to share with you guys my new goals. I hope I can achieve it. There are so many things that happen to me during November. Setting goals help me to remain focused and might inspire you to create your own goals for December.
1.Heal my broken heart.
Dear heart, it won't be easy. You might be bleeding again and again until it leaves scars. You might think you won't survive this, but I have faith in you.
2.Be in bed on time
I want to be in bed for at least 7 hours most nights of the week. I need my beauty sleep. Please care more about yourself. Note to myself.
3.Reduce my weight (1kg)
Reducing my weight would be a long-term goal. I don't expect that I will lose 10kg just in 1 month, because of that for this month I aim to lose at least 1 kg.
4.Read more books
Reading can take you places (quotes by Dr.Seuss). I believed reading can improve my vocabulary and can help me to focus on my life more. I'm still reading everynight. Sometimes one book per day.
5.Be active at blog and youtube
I just created booktube channel at youtube. Sharing information about books and library tips. I hope I can consistenly updating both platform, blog and youtube at the same time.
Author: Iqbal Rafiuddin
Format: Paperback
Page: 190 pages
Rafiq menyedari bersama Adira menjadikan dirinya seperti berada di dalam sebuah ensiklopedia gila. Semua yang berlaku di sekitarnya adalah mental. Yakinkah kita ini normal?
Buku ni AD dapat daripada kak Sha http://kasihkuamani.blogspot.com/ sebagai buku extra untuk segmen book exchange. For those yang tak tahu buku exchange tu apa..ha boleh lihat di SINI. AD sebenarnya rasa teruja setelah baca review daripada Ika di instagram beliau. Genre Gore, Psiko dan mental sememangnya membuatkan pembacaan buku ini sepatutnya menjadi lebih menarik. AD sangat memilih untuk membaca buku karya tempatan. Mereka bagus cuma buku yang AD jumpa setakat ini kebanyakkan bertemakan cinta cintun, jadi bila dapat buku yang bergenre sebegini sememangnya excited.
 |
| From Google |
Author: Usborne Publication
Format: Hardcover
Pages: 184 Pages
ISBN: 9781409522157
A treasury of tales ideal for young children, beautifully illustrated and perfect for Storytime, either for reading aloud or for more confident readers to tackle alone.
overall ⭐⭐⭐over ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Title: Dance in the rain
Author: Rabiatul Faazra
Format: Paperback
Pages: 210
ISBN: 9789670716541
Kenapa mujahadah itu pahit?
kerana syurga itu manis..
Ini kisah seorang gadis yang mahu mengenal Tuhan. Ibarat diari, dia mencoret tentang percintaan, persahabatan, perubahan diri dan segala macam rasa yang dia lalui. Ada suka dan duka. Ada masam dan manis. Ada masam dan tawar. Ehhh...macam-macam ada.Bercampur perasaannya. Selayaknya menari di dalam hujan. Dance in the rain. Dia ingin sekali berkongsi hakikat perjalanan seorang hamba, sebelum kembali bertemu-Nya 
- Memutihkan gigi
- Membunuh bakteria yang menjadi punca mulut mulut berbau
- Memmbantu menghilangkan karang gigi
- Meneutralkan tahap ph dalam mulut
- Tiada bahan penghakis (peroxide)
- Keberkesanan dalam dilihat seawal 1 minggu (dengan penggunaan betul )
* Please feel free to change the language (google translate widget at the right column)
AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.
Did you agree with statement "writing is a therapy " A lot of people suggests to me to write to express my feelings. yes I'm doing it now because writing help me with my thoughts and emotion. So this is a story about my healing journey.
He used to call me fatty..and i used to call him fatso..
He's a nice man..really nice man..supportive, hadworking and have a kind heart but seems fate have another plan for us. No matter what we try but if ALLAH said “KUN FAYAKUN” (كُنْ فَيَكُونُ) Be and it is. The pain. The sorrow that you have to bear all the time makes you kinda lose hope in finding a love again. You will think like it is end of the your life. The more you fallen hard for someone, more hurt you will feels. How come world become so cruel?why it is such unfair?There is time you will think like that. I have been there..Big-time. My heart if not completely broken, woefully cracked. And it healed very slowly, very painfully.
So how do you get over a break-up? How long the mourning take? What I can say is it depends on that person itself and it will be different depends on the situation. Let's say you have been dumb because of your boyfriend is a liar, then recovery time might be shorter, because you know that he is not worth it. He is dumb ass. Why would you still begging for him, but if you're the one that cause of the problem you might need more time because the guilty inside you. But one thing that I sure is it takes longer than we want to it to take, and leaves it on its own time.
Deep in my heart.. I still want you, but i know this relationship not gonna work because of your words.
" Don't take things for granted"
and... that moment I realized that you already made up your mind, I know I have to let u go because the true love never hurting the other side. I can feel the pain from your voice. Hey beauty, letting go someone that you love would never be easy. But it is a symbolic that you're strong enough. If it meant to be it will be, but if not, you have to move on..it is sucks..but i will be here with you. Repairing our broken heart together. Looking for stuff to be feed to our empty soul. Ironic it is.
I don't know...someone might describe broken heart like you being stabbed by thousand of knife, or perhaps falling from a high place, scattered across the ground but if you ask me, it's more like chocking to the death. You can't feel the oxygen. You're dying. Your chest like being presses by something heavy. You feel the burden. You will start crying over and over until there is no more tears. You will lose your appetite. You don't want to be disturb by anyone, and all the time you just lay on the bed and cry. You cannot think straight. You avoiding to go out, because you don't want to remember those sweet memories when you pass your favorite shop or perhaps places that you always go when in the dating phase because it will hurt you more. The worst part is you lose a best friend, you lose a lover, you realized that no one ever gonna listen to the all crap that you will talk. YES! It's sucks.
will be continue...
PART 2 Here
Biskut chocolate chip ꘡ Biskut ni dapat ilham daripada biskut Famos Amos..tapi yang bestnya resepi ni kita boleh control rasa manis yang ada dalam biskut ni.. Sedap seakan famos amos. So apa tunggu lagi jom kita terjah. AD buat biskut ni masa raya aritu, sekejap je dah licin anak buah sapu makan. Resepi ni daripada siraplimau.com
1. BAHAN A: KACAU RATA
Semua bahan ini hanya perlu dikacau sebati saja.
- 250 gram marjerin (saya guna Farmcow)
- 1 1/4 cawan brown sugar
- 1 sudu kecil esen vanila
- 1 biji telur
Bila dah kacau, masukkan pula bahan B seperti bawah.
2. TAMBAHKAN BAHAN B
- 2 1/2 cawan tepung gandum
- 1/2 cawan tepung jagung
- 1 sudu kecil baking powder
- 1 sudu kecil soda bikarbonat
- 6 sudu besar minyak
- *2 cawan cip coklat (masukkan akhir sekali)
Gaulkan lagi dan kacau rata semua bahan di atas kecuali cip coklat. Bila dah sebati, baru tambahkan pula 2 cawan cip coklat. (Saya guna 300g)
3. SEJUKKAN ADUNAN
Bila dah menjadi adunan, masukkan ke dalam peti sejuk sekejap dalam setengah jam.
4. SEDIA DIBAKAR
Lepas setengah jam, bolehlah keluarkan adunan dan sedia untuk membakar. Adunannya memang lembik sikit ya.
Masa susun atas loyang, jarakkan jauh sikit antara satu sama lain untuk bagi ruang pada biskut untuk mengembang.
5. MASUKKAN DALAM OVEN
Bakar 20 minit suhu 150 darjah guna api atas bawah atau ikut kepanasan oven masing-masing.
Homemade mash potatoes ꘡ Satur-Cook-Day again!!!! So as usual I will talk about food!recipe! yeah. Recently I'm craving for Ikea meatballs.. Urghh so yummy and juicy and the gravy just nice..Dammit!As an initiative because i'm afraid to go to IKEA since that area become red zone, I try to make my own mash potato and the meatball, I bought from Tesco and i'm using "Ramly" brand. The taste as delicious as IKEA meatball. You should try it.
Part I - Mash Potatoes
Ingredients:
- 4 potatoes
- butter (3 spoons)
- Black pepper
- White pepper
- milk
- Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add potatoes and cook until tender but still firm, about 15 minutes; drain.
- In a small saucepan heat butter and milk over low heat until butter is melted
- Slowly blend milk mixture into potatoes until smooth and creamy. Season with salt and pepper to taste. (i'm just mash the potatoes using fork)
- 1 onion (dice cut)
- 2 cloves garlic
- 4 spoon of butter
- 2 spoon of flour
- 2 chicken cube
- Black pepper
- 2 and half cup of water
- Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Add on flour.
- Whisk in flour and continue cooking until turn in to brownies colour, about 5 minutes
- Pour water bit by bit then turn off the gas and put everything into a blender. Blend until it smooth
- Turn on the stove and cook again over medium heat
- Add on Chicken cube, black pepper and cook until the mixtures become thicken. remove from heat
Title: Hold Fast
Author: Blue Balliett
Format: Paperback
Pages: 288
ISBN: 9780545299893
From NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author Blue Balliett, the story of a girl who falls into Chicago's shelter system, and from there must solve the mystery of her father's strange disappearance.
Where is Early's father? He's not the kind of father who would disappear. But he's gone... and he's left a whole lot of trouble behind.
Author: Laura Jarratt
Page:402pages
Format: Paperback
ISBN: 9781405269124
Rafi hasn’t spoken in eight years. Her progressive mutism went so far that now she can’t even comprehend the thought of talking anytime soon. But now it’s up to her to tell her brother’s story, because now he can’t speak either…
Rafi has always idolized her seventeen year-old brother, Silas. Popular, caring and borderline genius, Silas is everything Rafi ever wanted to be. Silas is the type of protective brother that always makes sure Rafi is with him, which means that Rafi gets to hear all sorts of things that younger sisters wouldn’t normally be a part of. Like when Silas hacked a gaming site to help out his friend Josie, who was being bullied for something incomprehensibly awful her ex did to her.
As Josie and Rafi spend more time together, Rafi finds herself with a proper friend for the first time in her life. Growing closer, Rafi realizes she wants to escape the bubble she’s been trapped inside and make her way back into the world – and this will happen by learning to speak again. But Silas has found a new interest too – one that’s pulling him away from everything and everyone that was once important to him. Will Rafi be able to find the words to save her brother before it’s too late? -credit to writtenwordsworld-
Hye peeps!
Hope everything went well for my lovely readers. Thank you to my faithful readers and also to my silence readers. last day of October, I hope that world getting better and Pandemic getting over soon. Yeah SOON. So did I manage to fulfill all of my October goals ? Let's check it out now. My October goals
Read every night before bed
I manage to do it as I planned plus I read some good books this month! My favorite book for this month was "How to be invisible" I will do full review about this book later okay.
What I Read...
- terung
- ikan bilis
- cili kering(blend)/cili boh
- bawang besar (blend)
- garam
- gula
- Sediakan mangkuk yang berisi air dan sedikit garam. Masukkan terung yang telah dihiris ke dalam mangkuk tersebut. Ini bertujuan untuk mengelakkan terung bertukar menjadi warna kehitaman.
- Goreng ikan bilis sehingga garing dan ketepikan
- Tumis bawang besar yang di blend, cili kering yang diblend dan biarkan seketika hingga pecah minyak
- kemuadian masukkan terung dan goreng sehingga masak
- masukkan bahan perasa, gula dan garam last sekali masukkan ikan bilis goreng tadi.
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