AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.
When you feel like you're okay. When you feel you're strong. When everything starts to feel normal suddenly reality strikes your face. The pain still there and once again you feel it. The pain that you thought it is gone a long time ago. Damn it hurt more than the previous one. You clench your teeth and pray that this pain will be gone soon. You pray so hard, you can't take it anymore.
At this stage, you will have some thoughts that you rather be dead than have to face the feeling. You are so weak. Miserable but still act strong in the surface but deep inside only god knows how your feeling. It's like a walking entity with no soul, you feel so numb. How you pull yourself up every single day reminds ourself that you have to be strong, so that others don't feel weak being around you. Inside of you just a painful memories and an unfillable void...The things that you do to make you sane is totally insane...
There will be a time when you will prefer to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs because this time you can feel the sadness from the songs. You will have questions that linger in your thought.
" What's my fault?"
"What I have done?"
I only have a few of my bestie. They usually not involved with my love life, but they always been there when I'm at my weakest.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I broke up with him"
I'm forcing a smile when meeting her. She just sits quietly next to me and when I started to cry she just hugs me tight without a word. You can't talk because no words can describe your pain at that time and remembering the details just make you bleed again. Thank You, GOD. I still have people who care about me.
What's wrong with me?
Am I too bad? or am I too good?
You still being left whether you being a good person or a bad person. Then slowly you will change. You become bitter and so damn cold. You feel by doing that you can protect your heart from being hurt again. At one point you start thinking that it's okay being alone. Anyhow you still manage to survive and live without a man.
"Shit! a nightmare again"
I seldom got a nightmare, but usually when I dream it will be the most horrible and I won't dare to sleep back again. This time it happens again. Woke up in the middle of the night, and don't know what to do. Usually, I will text him because I know he always be there. Guess what, once again I feel so pathetic, not because of the nightmare but the fact that this time you have to deal with the situation alone. You're literally ALONE. The saddest fact that you have to shallow that nite. All these memories make me sick.
Moving on not that easy...admit that I'm trying..trying so hard. Now I understand why people become so bloody cold. They have been hurting again and again. They have been fighting their own battle. My advice is
"Be kind to everyone. You never know what they have been dealing with"
My unconscious mind at 2:53am
to be continue....
Satur-cook-Day!!!! yeah so today AD nak share satu resepi ringkas dan mudah disediakan.
 |
| Tomato tu saja AD tambah sebab xde timun..jangan pelik pula..hehh |
- 1-2 ekor Ikan (ikan ni boleh guna ikut ikan kegemaran anda. tapi biasanya AD guna ikan kembung atau selayang)
- 1 kotak kecil santan
- segelas air - untuk sesuaikan kepekatan kuah
- sebatang serai -diketuk
- satu sudu kecil lada hitam
- 2 keping asam keping
- garam
- 2-3 ulas Bawang merah
- 2-3 ulas bawang putih
- 1 inci halia
- bawang besar dihiris nipis
- timun
- kacang panjang
- telur rebus
- salad
- Rebus ikan sehingga masak kemudian blend ikan tersebut sehingga hancur
- Masukkan bahan yang dikisar tadi dan ikan yang diblend
- Masukkan santan dan juga air (pepandai la yea adjust jgn bagi cair sangat)
- Masukkan garam, asam keping, serai yang diketuk, dan lada hitam
Strato Nyman couldn’t be more of an odd-one-out. He’s the only black kid in Hedgecombe-upon-Dray, he knows more about particle physics than his teacher, and he’s constantly picked on by school bully Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. It’s only at home that he blends into the background – his parents are too busy arguing to notice he exists. But one day, Strato picks up a dusty old book in a mysterious bookshop and learns how to become invisible. He soon discovers that people aren’t always what they seem … and realizes standing out isn’t so bad after all. 
"How To Be Invisible"
Hello December.
One of my favorite months because it's a festive season. Even though I don't celebrate Christmas, but I do love the vibe during this month. People forgive each other and of course, presents! Anyway, since it's a new month already, I want to share with you guys my new goals. I hope I can achieve it. There are so many things that happen to me during November. Setting goals help me to remain focused and might inspire you to create your own goals for December.
1.Heal my broken heart.
Dear heart, it won't be easy. You might be bleeding again and again until it leaves scars. You might think you won't survive this, but I have faith in you.
2.Be in bed on time
I want to be in bed for at least 7 hours most nights of the week. I need my beauty sleep. Please care more about yourself. Note to myself.
3.Reduce my weight (1kg)
Reducing my weight would be a long-term goal. I don't expect that I will lose 10kg just in 1 month, because of that for this month I aim to lose at least 1 kg.
4.Read more books
Reading can take you places (quotes by Dr.Seuss). I believed reading can improve my vocabulary and can help me to focus on my life more. I'm still reading everynight. Sometimes one book per day.
5.Be active at blog and youtube
I just created booktube channel at youtube. Sharing information about books and library tips. I hope I can consistenly updating both platform, blog and youtube at the same time.
